I am currently between jobs, so I have a whole lot of free time. Going into this break I had a plan. I was going to improve my grey matter. On the morning of first day of the break, my husband Mr.Works-A-Lot walked out of the shower and smirked at me . The smirk meant, Me + Free Time = whole lot of nothing. I launched into a tirade of righteousness. I told him, look Mr.I-Have-Many-Meetings, I am going to all the museums in D.C. (yes ALL of them). After that, I am going to read a whole lot of books that will put all the other books to shame. By the time I start my new work, I would have gained so much smarts you will need to play catch up rest of your life. (You might wonder, why not take a online course or take on a project that will improve my skills for the new job? I did do that but who wants to read a blog about a nerd slogging over books on design patterns and IAM.)
At this point, to be fair, I had already ordered my first potential life changing book “Rest in Power”. I was excited, I mean this book was written by the parents of Trevon Martin. If it does not wring me dry, what possible can? I had a plan on how I was going to read the book. I am going to the café down the street, you know the kind of coffee shop that is filled with bustle and cacophony of noise, where the quality of food is just sub-par but the conversations that are had are far more superior and makes up for the food. Yes, that café. I was going to read the book in that café drinking countless cups of bad coffee, but I would never know it because Oh my god was the book changing my life!
I ordered the book second-hand from Amazon and I had a good week before the book came. One week of museums. All of that sounded great in my head and you must know by now none of that happened. I woke up early on Day 1 with great intentions of finally starting my intellectual expedition but unfortunately I got sucked into the YouTube Black Hole. I had my morning coffee while browsing through Stephen Colbert videos on YouTube when “Northanger Abbey” came up as a suggested video. I thought yes, Jane Austen Christ on a Toast YES! I wanted to see Northanger abbey. That was followed by Mansfield Park and other British period movies all from “Up Next” list on YouTube. This movie watching binge overflowed to Day 2 and Day 3. Day 3, I took a huge left turn from watching respectable British period classics to “WHAT IS THIS? WHAT DID I JUST WATCH?”. It all started when Youtube’s “Up Next” suggestion was “Tilly Trotter by Catherine Crookston”. It is about 3.5 hours in length so I assume “Tilly Trotter” was a TV series which some kind soul had stitched together and uploaded on YouTube. After watching “Tilly Trotter”, I have since found out through the art of typing “Catherine Crookston” on google, that she was a famous and successful novelist. So my review of “Tilly Trotter” below is not going to make a dent on that success but by god I am going to burst if I don’t pen my thoughts. Additionally, I realize that the book/movie was based on a much different era where questions like “Women’s rights? What are they?” were perfectly acceptable but unfortunately 2017 is when I saw the series, so my review is based on the assumption that “Women are not second class citizens”. Also, rape is not funny in any way however I have treated it in this article.
Tilly Trotter By Catherine Crookston (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIy730JrFIc ):
You would have thought once I found out the name of the video channel was “EternalLoveDos” I would have hugged an encyclopedia instead, to prevent holy brain drain. But this is the price you pay for using Chrome Cast with auto play on , in YouTube, you are not entirely sure what’s coming next.
Now to the meat, this is Tilly Trotter:
She is IT. You better believe it. Anything with a hint of testosterone loves her and wants to make holy babies with her. Who does she love? This farmer dude:
Why? It’s is not clear because there is no character development for this farmer, so the audience cannot fall in love with him along with Tilly. But Tilly loves him so deal with it. Who does the farmer love? A lady who comes for like two scenes before we are told she is dead half-way through the series. Tilly lives with her old grandparents. Both die before you can blink your eyes so that’s that. I am jumping ahead, let me slow it down.
Let’s break the story down.
Part 1: I love you but I am a rapist, also where is my gold?
Tilly lives in a very beautiful mining village. She lives in a somewhat isolated wooded area with her grandparents (she chops wood like its nobody’s business. One hard thwack, lo behold two perfect halves of wood).
Right at the get go we find Tilly is heartbroken that her farmer is going to marry soon to be dead random lady. Tilly laments to her soon to be dead grandparents about it, but no dice. Meanwhile, as Tilly is hotter than coal this shady miner character proposes to her multiple times within the first 15 minutes of the series. The last proposal being at the farmer’s wedding.
We are going to call the miner Ugh, here below for your reference:
Because our wonderful Tilly rejects Ugh, he decides to pursue 4 separate schemes one after the other to get Tilly to say “Yes, you are my Mister”. The schemes can be summed up over all as “Rape and Burn your Family”. Before elucidating further, I want to assure you Ugh was never successful in any of the rape attempts. He seemed to set stone by this quote “The harder I work the luckier I get” and of course he did not get lucky.
Rape #1: Ugh introspects deeply and comes to the conclusion, well if I rape Tilly she must marry me be because that is how the universe works in my head. This idea manifests in the following manner. Tilly is forlorn but still attends the farmers wedding (whose resting face btw looks like ham). The farmer spends most of the time dancing with Tilly during the wedding which just breaks Tilly’s heart even more. Not once does she think, why is this slime ball dancing with me while his new wife is standing alone giving me looks that could kill. Tilly takes off to home after some point. She is walking back alone from the farmers wedding, Ugh decides to cast a net from a tree(?) so he can trap her and you know what is next on the agenda. He casts the net, Tilly gets caught, and she screams with all her lungs worth. Fast forward to rescue. Ugh’s brother (nice guy) warns farmer of this intelligent plan, farmer ditches his new wife without explanation to rescue Tilly (because really, in this situation it would never occur to you “Gee I am in a wedding, maybe just maybe I should let other people know about the crime being committed nearby so everyone can help me save Tilly”). Suffice to say Tilly is rescued and as payment of this crime Ugh is fired from the mine.
Rape #2: Tilly is learning how to dance from the pastor’s wife. The dance is pretty lame but two people who happen to hide and see this amazing dance decide on what is the only possible conclusion. Tilly is a witch and possibly gay. They take this to Ugh and Ugh, who has not given up his ideal life of rape and happily ever after, enlists these two intelligent beings to help with next episode of rape attempt #2. So once again, Tilly is walking back home alone in a field somewhere, gets kidnapped, taken to a barn. But never fear, a miner notices this kidnapping and alerts the pastor and his wife. They are on their way to rescue Tilly. Now about the rape progress, NOT MUCH. Ugh and his amazing band of depraved have tied Tilly up and are throwing fruit at her. No one knows why. Rescue comes, a fight breaks out and the pastor’s wife ends up killing “Tilly is a gay witch theorist #1”. Pastor and wife need to skip town due to the murder but since we have known them only for 15 mins, who cares right. Nothing happens to Ugh, it’s actually very confusing because he is interrupted during the fruit throwing and then we just see the pastor skipping town.
Not Rape #3: So Tilly, after all these persuasions, still holds a candle for her farmer and is not interested in Ugh. Now Ugh decides to seriously up his game. Ugh and his pals, slit a chicken’s throat and hang it outside Tilly’s house along with some light hearted signs containing the word “Witch” written in chicken blood. Given this amazing expression of love, Tilly is still not swayed and still does not love Ugh. However, this strategy sways the opinion of people living in Tilly’s village. They all hate Tilly, they are very hostile towards her and are sure she is a witch. Say what you want about Tilly but she is strong. She does not care, one reason being she does not need to work in the village or for that matter, for anyone. Tilly and her family have money to survive. How? Answer is simple, “Subplot”. Btw Tilly’s grandfather is dead at this point. I forgot how.
“Tilly’s family has gold, how much? no one knows because she is still technically poor” Subplot: Tilly’s grandfather and farmer’s grandfather stole gold from Ugh’s grandfather, who stole this gold from someone else. I think the gold was never divided between these two families because the farmer gives them one gold coin at a time when Tilly’s family really needs it. I don’t understand this kind of payout scheme of stolen gold, but what do I know!!, I am still reeling from Rape + Me + You = Happiness in marriage.
Ugh needs gold! Not rape #4: With the above subplot introduced in a span of 1 minute, Ugh wants the gold back, like RIGHT NOW! . He and his band of hooligans storm the house and demand the gold from Tilly’s grandmother. She looks scared like she is supposed to look. The hooligans demolish the house and having found no gold, set the house on fire. Ugh thinks now Tilly will marry him because everyone she is related to is dead and also her house is gone. Wrong!
Ugh gets finally shipped off to somewhere for all his god awful deeds and Tilly is relieved. Continue reading part 2 of the Tilly Trotter recap.