My grandmother is staying with me for a week. Her routine is fairly straight forward: pray, eat and sleep. Wait, I forgot a very crucial part of her routine, watch VIJAY CHANNEL TAMIL SERIALS. Since I spend all my time with her, I tend to watch the serials with her too. I can’t tell you how frustrating content-wise these shows are. She watches 5 serials overall and all of them follow the below pattern in terms of structure. Here is a 30 minute breakdown of the serials my gran watches:

  • 10 mins of advertisements
  • 5 mins of the title song and recap of the previous episode
  • 15 mins of content which will have 5 mins of dialogue and 10 mins of everyone’s reaction to the said dialogues.

I have gone through 8 days of this so far and story-lines move slower than a snail. I literally saw a snail drive past me waving ta-ta after day 5 of the story-line progress. Above all, in all these serials there are 3 groups of people:

  • Group 1: People who are misunderstood but such great, great salt of the earth people.
  • Group 2: Who are truly evil and wants to separate 1st group from the 3rd group.
  • Group 3: Oblivious to all problems, they are related to the 1st and 2nd group. Group 3 often believes 2nd group over 1st group on all major drama but at the end of the day loves everyone. This group 1, I hate quite passionately, because if they call BS on group #2, the serial would end after episode one and the world would be right.

Overall, I do love my grandmother and her interest lies in these kind of amazing TV serials. Because loving someone means accepting all their faults, I decided I will take this a step further and write a serial screenplay for her that I hope Vijay will immediately adopt.

Serial Name:  Unmai Nenjam / True Heart

Episode 1:

Cast & Scene: Joint family. Father, Ram is reading a newspaper in the living room . Mother, Latha is stitching a kid’s top. Two grandchildren playing with toys. Elder son Kishore is talking on the phone while his wife, Shruthi is reading a book. Middle son Dev and wife Shwetha are watching TV. Youngest son, Prem is getting ready to go out.  Youngest daughter-in-law, Charu, is making coffee for everyone in the kitchen. Lastly Sister, Preethi applying make-up.

Group Break Down from above reference:

Group 3: Ram and, Latha

Group 2:  Kishore, Shruthi, Dev, Shwetha and Grandchild #1.

Group 1: Prem, Preethi, Charu and Granchild #2

Episode Begins:

Title Song: la la la la la la, <scary music>, <happy music>, la la la la la

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Ram: <screams> Charu, Prem is leaving, get the coffee soon.

Charu: <screams> Yes Appa, I am getting coffee for everyone. Two mins.

Prem: <screams> Charu, I am leaving.

Charu: <screams> Please wait, I am getting the coffee.

Prem: <screams> Ok, hurry up <breaths loudly>.

Eldest daughter-in-law Shwetha to middle daughter-in-law Shruthi:

Charu was only supposed to make coffee for Prem, but look at her making coffee for everyone. She is evil and doing this to get a good name with the parents.

Shruthi: Nods in agreement and looks at Shwetha with a sarcastic smile

Shwetha: Smiles back at Shruthi and nods in agreement.

Shruthi: Looks at Shwetha and widens her eyes

Shwetha: Looks at Shruthi, also widens her eyes and continues to smile.

Father Ram:  <screams> Charu, come quickly.

Everyone looks at the kitchen entrance.  Charu, leaves the kitchen with the coffee tray. Prem looks impatiently at the kitchen entrance.  Kishore and Shwetha look at the kitchen entrance. Dev and Shruthi look at the kitchen entrance. Kids look at the kitchen entrance. Preethi looks at the kitchen entrance. Ram looks at kitchen entrance. Latha looks at the kitchen entrance.

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Back to episode:

Everyone is looking at the kitchen. Charu takes few steps from the kitchen with 8 coffee drinks balanced on the tray. Charu almost drops the tray but is able to manage fine. This is shown for 5 minutes. Charu finally enters the living area and first goes to the father to give him coffee.

Ram: First give it to Prem, he is in a hurry.

Charu: No, please you are the oldest. You take it.

Charu bends to offer the coffee tray and drops the tray on the Ram’s lap. All the hot coffee now on his lap.

<Scary music>

Charu looks horrified. Prem looks horrified. Latha looks horrified. Kishore looks horrified. Shwetha looks horrified. Shruthi looks horrified. Dev looks horrified.  Ram is crying in pain. Grandchildren look horrified. Preethi looks horrified.

<Strategy music>

Shruthi and Shwetha look at each other and smile in a cunning way.

<Scary music>

Charu looks at Latha and they exchange a horrified glance.

Kishore and Dev exchange horrified glance.

Prem, Grandchild #1 and Grandchild #2 exchange horrified glance.

Preethi exchanges a horrified glace with Latha.

<Sad music>

Charu and Prem exchange a horrified glance.

Ram still crying in pain.

Episode 1 the end.

To be contd…

(Don’t hold your breath for episode #2, can’t write drivel, even love can only go so far.)

 

– MM